Alaskan Capitol News

THERE'S PIZZA HERE [AND I'M STARVED]

Posted in: Dating App Satire · Modern Romance Critique · Online Dating Oddballs

Author: Chance Trahan

Date: 2019-02-16 15:31:06

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She said 🤡—SHE LIKES PIZZA.

When you DO match up with this magical PIZZA fairy, she ghosts you just for her pleasure.

When she finally— can't possibly avoid you anymore, she politely explains that she's just, "not ready to date anyone".

Okay, touche. So, WHY TF YOU ON TINDER THEN? 🤦‍♂️

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💬Just when you thought that, "just because you like PIZZA doesn't mean that...."

ANYONE ELSE (WITH HALF A BRAIN) NOTICING A PIZZA–REFERENCING TREND HERE?

WHAT ABOUT THE SPIDER WEBBED EYELASHES & BLUE BALLS? (SHE'S APPARENTLY ALL ABOUT THEM)

🤔💭HMM.... WE'RE JUST GONNA SWIPE LEFT.
CHANCE TRAHAN [DROPS THE TRUTH BOMB] The Palestinian Quest for Sovereignty: A Comprehensive Analysis for Strategic Leaders California Flood and Fire: Good Ole Garbage Gavin Newsom’s Shameless Reign of Ludicrous Inconsistency and Incessant Begging Mr Shri Thanedar: Just Who Do You Think You Are, Bud? That's an American Female, Kristi Noem, You're Mistreating There, Pal My My My, How Nancy Pelosi's Tune Has Changed Over The Years: A Dive into the Speaker's Surprising Shifty Shenanigans and Super Silly Scandals WHAT IS "NEURONETROIONICS" [AND WHY SHOULD I CARE] Is True History Unfolding? Hidden Claim That America Is Old Testament Israel – And Modern Israel Is Fake Eric Swalwell: From Fang Fang's Boom-Boom Room, to God-Forbid, the Governor's Mansion – A Career Built on Scandals Sheldon Whitehouse: The Delusional Millionaire Climate Scold Who Conveniently Owns Exxon Stock and Filibusters Your Energy Freedom STRUCTURE FIRE HAPPENS [DISPATCH CLAIMS IS NOT NEWSWORTHY] CHANCE TRAHAN [DROPS THE TRUTH BOMB] The Palestinian Quest for Sovereignty: A Comprehensive Analysis for Strategic Leaders California Flood and Fire: Good Ole Garbage Gavin Newsom’s Shameless Reign of Ludicrous Inconsistency and Incessant Begging Mr Shri Thanedar: Just Who Do You Think You Are, Bud? That's an American Female, Kristi Noem, You're Mistreating There, Pal My My My, How Nancy Pelosi's Tune Has Changed Over The Years: A Dive into the Speaker's Surprising Shifty Shenanigans and Super Silly Scandals WHAT IS "NEURONETROIONICS" [AND WHY SHOULD I CARE] Is True History Unfolding? Hidden Claim That America Is Old Testament Israel – And Modern Israel Is Fake Eric Swalwell: From Fang Fang's Boom-Boom Room, to God-Forbid, the Governor's Mansion – A Career Built on Scandals Sheldon Whitehouse: The Delusional Millionaire Climate Scold Who Conveniently Owns Exxon Stock and Filibusters Your Energy Freedom STRUCTURE FIRE HAPPENS [DISPATCH CLAIMS IS NOT NEWSWORTHY]